


and then I cried (because all my life I have known something was off)

by half_right_writer



Series: the way you showed me that I wasn’t quite alone [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: CT-5597 | Jesse Feels, CT-7567 | Rex Needs a Hug, Canon Compliant, Clone lives matter, Clones, POV CT-7567 | Rex, Sad CT-7567 | Rex, Spoilers for se7e12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:53:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24016246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/half_right_writer/pseuds/half_right_writer
Summary: “He’s the last one?” Rex asks roughly when he hears Ahsoka’s footsteps behind him. She’d been double checking the ship’s remains for any last bodies they could find, and by the weight of her steps he could tell she was carrying another corpse.“Yeah.” Ahsoka’s voice is quiet, almost choked but not quite. This one is different.—Rex buries Jesse.
Relationships: CT-5597 | Jesse & CT-7567 | Rex, CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano
Series: the way you showed me that I wasn’t quite alone [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1732261
Comments: 16
Kudos: 110





	and then I cried (because all my life I have known something was off)

**Author's Note:**

> This is supposed to take place right before the end of Victory and Death. It’s canon compliant and shows what Rex is feeling during this time. We were getting so many Rex feels this episode and in the past ones, so I just wanted to write a bit from his POV and look a little bit into what he’s feeling. Also, the title is from Secrets (Cellar Door) by Radical Face.

The shovel is unnaturally heavy in Rex’s hands as he finishes the final grave. His palms are blistered, despite the gloves he wears, after hours of digging, but he can’t bring himself to care that much. This work is honorable work, and Rex can’t truly regret it or the physical pain it's brought him.

“He’s the last one?” Rex asks roughly when he hears Ahsoka’s footsteps behind him. She’d been double checking the ship’s remains for any last bodies they could find, and by the weight of her steps he could tell she was carrying yet another corpse.

“Yeah.” Ahsoka’s voice is quiet, almost choked, but not quite. This one is different. Rex may not have the Force like many of his superior officers, but he doesn’t need it to know what Ahsoka is feeling, even just by hearing her voice. Years of working with Jedi had taught him how to pick up on small details, like the tensing of lips or narrowing of eyes or wavering of voice-- emotion where there shouldn’t be, at least according to the Jedi. But the Jedi weren’t robots, and Rex had learned their breaking points and their tells and their flaws, from gentle Ahsoka to sharp Anakin to stoic General Kenobi.

Rex closes his eyes briefly. He knows who it is before he even turns around. He knows who it has to be, who’s missing from the ranks of bodies, who would make Ahsoka’s voice sound like  _ that.  _

When he did turn, it still hurt.

Jesse’s helmet is scarred with dirt and blood and smoke. The symbol of the Repbulic-- the Republic that Jesse had been so proud of, that he had tattooed onto his face-- is faded and streaked.His armor is broken and cracked and jutting into the clone’s body, covered with blood and burnt at the edges.

No different than any of the other clones, really. And wasn’t that the point?

Still, Rex’s hands shake as he reaches to take the body from Ahsoka. Gently, he lays Jesse on the ground next to the hole and rests on his knee beside the clone. He hesitates before slowly moving his hands upward, until his fingers catch on Jesse’s helmet.

He needs to take it off. The helmet will be placed over the grave, just like all the others. It’s what Jesse deserves. But his hands can’t move.

If he takes it off, he knows what he will see. He won’t see the bruised face or the blank gaze or the bloodied teeth that anybody else would. Instead, he’d recognize the lips that would turn up so easily in a grin that always came so quick after telling a joke. He’d see the eyes that twinkled with mirth and the quirk of the eyebrows when he was trying not to laugh. 

He’d see the face that had stared death in the face over and over again not without fear, but without hesitation. Just like so many of their brothers.

“Rex?” Ahsoka questions.

“Yeah,” Rex says hoarsely, and with trembling fingers he pulls off the helmet.

The tattoo that encircles the left side of his face is broken by a jagged cut that oozes scarlet blood, staining his graying, tan skin. His sharp nose has been shoved into his face and cracked countless times, and his lips are bright with blood. His eyes are stained pink with burst capillaries and stare vacantly at nothing.

Rex grips the helmet like a lifeline as his other knee drops to the ground. Jesse hadn’t just been another brother-- he’d been a friend, a clone who Rex had seen through countless battles. He’d saved Rex’s life on Saleucami, defended him on Umbara, fought through everything the Separatists had thrown at them-- only to be brought down by the damn chip in his head. As Rex had faced the barrel of Jesse’s gun, it hadn’t been his brother speaking. It was a cold, deadened voice issuing declarations and orders from higher ups, saying words that weren’t his own.

When the tears come, they’re not just for Jesse. Every clone that lies buried beneath him, every brother that fell, every man whose life had been snatched away from them with one simple order-- his tears are for them. Rex presses his forehead against Jesse’s helmet, and he cries. 

_ I’m so sorry, brother.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! If you ever wanna talk, chat with my on my tumblr @the-first-refrain! Please leave a kudos and/or a comment, they give me life!


End file.
